#010 - The Wealthy Over-Thinker

Stop Should-ing on Yourself...The One Word that is Ruining Your Life

Mar 18, 2023

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Welcome to the 10th edition of The Wealth Letters, a collection of insights from all walks of life on the pursuit of wealth, wisdom, and meaning.

If you haven’t done so, please read or listen to the manifesto before diving in to the collection, as it will give a clear vision of the project; the Who, What, and Why.

Photo credit: @aktavibes via Twitter

Akta, a previous dentist (who found out immediately upon becoming a dentist, that it wasn’t for her) shares her story on doing everything “right” and still not finding happiness & purpose.

To quote Akta from her blog, akta vibes:

I did everything you’re supposed to do. I got good grades, I went to a good university, and I got a degree approved by Asian parents all around the world.

I thought I had it all figured out. But when I started working as a dentist in 2017, I knew almost immediately it wasn’t for me. I realised I had a lot to learn - and unlearn. That’s what I’ve been doing ever since.

Whether it’s about success, relationships, productivity, simplicity or life in general, I’ve been unravelling the noise, societal pressure, unrealistic expectations and false beliefs. It’s been overwhelming, but I’ve been using joy as my compass. And in the process I’ve gained clarity about myself and the world around me.

The following video recording is a voice-note that Akta spoke to herself on her drive home from work. These are the random thoughts she had running through her head as she realized the predominant thing that she changed in her life.

Akta shares more of her stories and life lessons on her YouTube channel, as well as at her blog. She also is active on Instagram and Twitter.

I challenge you to listen to this insight as if it is being spoken to you personally.

Be willing to be vulnerable and open your mind to ideas and suggestions that have proven worthwhile in another’s journey. Do not blindly accept any and all advice given, but rather take in the information and distill it down to if & how it can be applied to YOU and your unique self.

Michael Jordan said that he imitated Dr. J.
Kobe Bryant said he studied and imitated Jordan.
But, they mixed in their own uniqueness.

While not everything will relate directly to one’s current situation at the exact moment, there may be some gems that will be worthwhile in time.

View Akta’s video on what she has come to realize is the predominant thing that has changed her life:

Objectives / Overview:

How do you deal with finally achieving a big goal that took a lot of “blood, sweat, and tears” to achieve, only to find out that reaching the goal does not provide you with the satisfaction you were looking for?
What happens when you decide to stop jumping through the hoops that society tells you to?
How do we beat the Tyranny of Should?

My Takeaways from Akta:

Akta tells us how she spent a lot of time, energy, and money on pursuing becoming a dentist. And, when the time came, she realized that it was not what she wanted. She went on to say how she originally felt like she wasted so much of her time. I would absolutely feel the same in her shoes. I went to school and became a teacher…I no longer am a teacher. My brother also went into education and continued on to become a Dean of Students. He is also no longer in the field. We both have had to come to terms with the notion that all of the time, energy, and money spent on our previous careers was not a “waste,” but rather a bridge to where we are today.
I appreciate how Akta felt so much pressure in her decision to not do what she had set out to do. She wondered what people would think of her. And, to her surprise, not ONE person questioned her on why she chose the path she is leading now. I think it is a great example of how we frame in our mind that others will think about us in a certain way for doing a certain thing…when in reality, most people will not think anything of it.
The worst word in the English Dictionary is “should.” Should is responsible for anxiety, depression, guilt, and fear. It really made me think when Akta said that she “wonders how many of her decisions in her life were solely because of the word should.”
Akta felt all the “shoulds:”
1. I should be sitting the dentistry exam
2. I should become a doctor
3. I should be making more money
4. I should buy a home before age 30
5. I should be more productive
6. I should be doing what my friends are doing
7. I should be happy
Akta ultimately provides the framework for how we can beat the Tyranny of should:

When you feel the want or need to do something, ask yourself these questions:

Is this a want or a should?
If it is a should, where did it come from?
What do you want now and in the future - and where does your should fit into this?
Will your should make you happy, or is it a tick-box item?

Follow Your Own Instincts

When you want to say no to something, don’t be afraid to do so. It shows that you are valuing your wants over your shoulds

Keep Perspective When Looking at Others

We often look at others who have experienced success, and we feel the tinge of jealousy. This happens because it is like a “tug” on us telling us what we should be doing. The secret to stop comparing yourself to others is to look at others and appreciate them without feeling you have to be doing the same. The next time you feel that “tug” ask yourself if it is what you really want, or if it is something you think you should want.

Make a List of What You’re Grateful For

Instead of the list of shoulds, create a list of what you’re grateful for. This will give you a better perspective at what you value in your own life.

“If You Want to Live a Life That is Fulfilling and True to You, Stop Should-ing on Yourself”
- Akta

What are your takeaways? Feel free to comment below, or reply to this email. I would love to hear your thoughts!

Thank You for Your Support!

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and/or read this edition of The Wealth Letters!

In order for this project to succeed and have the greatest reach, I need your help.

Will you provide your lessons and stories to the collection? Will you help to make this project bigger than ourselves?

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Share this project with the people you would LOVE to learn from and how they built a life of wealth…maybe they would be willing to submit their own Wealth Letter or recording to the collection.

Your ideas and feedback are always welcome!

Please reach out via email: support@thewealthletters.com, Twitter, or by commenting on this post.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Jordan